good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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