he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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