did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
