The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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