Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You can't motorboat a personality
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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