if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
