Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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