ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
