i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
