what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
