u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
