No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
