Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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