I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he fucked my hip out of place.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
