My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
