Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
