Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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