Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just had sex bonerless
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
