fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
