There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
