yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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