I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
