he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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