TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
