taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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