holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
