I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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