I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
