i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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