sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
