I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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