I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
