I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
