I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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