dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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