I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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