She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize