Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
