I just cut my nipple shaving
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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