____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
