First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
