Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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