how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
