just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
