Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
