He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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