it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
