new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize