Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
