wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
