That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
