Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
