My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
