Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize