dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
