go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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