come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
