I just threw up on my dentist
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
