I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
