Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
