im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
