i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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