Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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