Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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