she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
