I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
