Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
