sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
