It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
