Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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