I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
