My nipple is on Facebook.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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