At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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